Last night into early this morning I spent some time trying to rewrite a chapter that lacked something, I was not sure but I think I might have gotten it together. Here's a part of it.
Nia's watery eyes zoomed in on Bryan while the previous day's conversation blasted loudly in the back of her mind not letting her forget the harsh accusations she spat out at him. Now he lay damn near dead in front of her, all because of her. Anyone close to her seem to have their life almost taken from up under them. It was like he was toying with her; pushing her to the edge of wanting to kill her damn self just so this can end. Her family is on the verge of disowning her after yesterday, especially her mama. That look she had given Nia that morning. The last time Mama Johnson ignored her she was ten and decided to talk slick to her like the white kids did in the grocery stores. Her mama ignored her for a whole day but to Nia it seemed like an eternity at that age. She would have taken the butt whooping any day. Her father quickly made her change her mind on that idea because as soon as he came in from work he found the thickest belt in his closet and tagged her behind while she was still soak and wet from just taking a shower. As an adult the look still did not soften.
Nia needed to change this, she should have killed him while she had the chance. She just knew she would scare him into quitting this cat and mouse game. The police did not want to help. The black abyss popped in her head, huge breasts, electric pink lipstick and all; laughing like a hyena. Even though he was nowhere near her the smell of Officer Frank's rancid breath took over the disinfected smell in the room. Vomit bubbled up in the back of her throat. She took huge gulps to prevent herself from turning the mirror surfaced floor into a toilet.
She wanted time to reverse itself all the way to that day when Crystal stopped her from getting that abortion. She would have never known that Cain was the one that had changed her life. She wouldn't be sitting here staring at her first and only love holding her own breath with each breath he took praying it was not his last. She also would not be without a job; even though she wanted to run her boss over and make him eat his own shit, she would have sucked it all up and stayed at Burkhart.
Her breathing almost became non existent the longer she rewound the past four years in her mental movie screen. Her hands gripped the arms again. The walls started to turn as though she was on a carousel. The temperature in the room seemed to soar way over 100 degrees. Nia stormed over to the windows and scrambled with clumsy fingers to get it open. Frigid December air evaporated the thick layer of sweat that had formed on her face. Slow breaths escaped her lips sending a thin layer of what looked like smoke into the dreary air. Frost crystals settled around the edges of her nostrils.
She wanted to turn around and go back over to his bedside; however, each time she tried to force her legs to turn around they backed out. She did not need to look at him. That was not the last image she wanted to have of Bryan. But the memory was so vivid like HD on a tv screen. She took a few more large gulps of cold air before shutting the window. Her eyes strained to focus on the door as she walked forward. What if this truly was going to be the last time she would see him? Her guilt fought and won the battle. Her feet barely touched the floor as she glided over to his bedside. She bent over him and placed soft kisses all over his face, leaving her lips on his skin a little longer with each kiss. Her tears replaced the kisses soon thereafter. Nia took her heels off and left them where she stood as she crawled into bed next to him. Her thin but muscular arm wrapped around his torso; she made sure that she did not rip out his iv. She let the feel of his heartbeat under her hand drift her off to sleep.
